Yogabarn Retreat

I'm in Ubud now. I've had the itch to come back to Bali for a while now and last week I decided, the heck with careful spending and saving money. I'm going to live life doing things that excite me (I totally blame Tim Ferriss and The 4 Hour Workweek).

I've heard of Yogabarn when I was here the first time with Izzy, but we never had the chance to check it out. When I made bookings for this trip though, it suddenly dawned on me that I can finally check Yoga Retreat off my bucket list by staying here and taking classes.

I arrived at around 4 pm yesterday. My room is an absolute wonder, bright and airy with tasteful decorations. And clean floors too, something that is a pet peeve of mine whenever staying in hotels in South East Asia.

I walked around the compound a bit, you wouldn't believe how many beautiful, lean and toned yoga bodies there were, signing up for classes, drinking healthy juices, meditating and walking around bare-footed. I felt so out of place. Fatter than usual, lumpier than usual, definitely not dressed the right way too. Instead of taking my first class right away, I opted to walk around town. I remember being kind to myself too, thinking that we all have different journeys (and bodies) and things are hard until they are not.

Today I woke up at 5.45 without an alarm yay. Thought of skipping breakfast, because a place like this surely would serve unappetizing food, right? So glad I didn't, they served me a bowl of rainbow colored fruits and some delicious omelette.

Update :

This entry was a year old, since then I've been to Ubud twice, and actually planning another trip right this second. Figured I'll post it anyway because since then, I've advanced in my yoga journey and am more confident too. To hell with yoga bodies and exclusivity, I'm meditating and I'm present on my mat, that is good enough.

How to Deal with a Racist/Racism at Work

Heavy topic, am I right? In Malaysia we are blessed to have many ethnic groups live harmoniously side by side, but of course, it's not all roses and butterflies, especially at the subliminal level.

I've experienced being discriminated against by a big corporation, a long term client to boot. We've been working together for 6 years, me supplying them with Malay interpretation services, when one day the PIC decided to replace the team with an all Chinese interpreter team. One rule of thumb for interpreting is that you NEVER engage non native speakers to do the job. When I say native speaker, I mean mother tongue speaker. You have to be born into the language, raised with it, think in that language. To make things worse, the PIC mentioned to my interpreting partner that it's unnecessary to have me in the team since they can have a Chinese interpreter do the same task. Oh how my blood boiled! I respect the client's prerogative to hire whoever they want, but there was no basis to dismiss me other than preferring a Chinese interpreter, so I went to work and reported the PIC to the company's Asia Pacific ethics committee and the Global Office. To cut the story short, she doesn't work there anymore :-)

Fast forward to this week, I was chatting with a work colleague and she mentioned something that happened to her caused my someone inconsiderate and called that person the K word (similar to the N word racial slur for Africans). I was taken aback, how should I respond to this? This person is important to my organization and I value her, so how do I delicately broach the subject, to make her realize that this behavior is racially insensitive?

She's not alone though. This insensitivity might stem from family and our surroundings, and we do not see it as wrong because everyone else is doing it. Also, being young and not having experienced enough of life yet, one might live with unchallenged beliefs. The sensitivity filter we develop in our behavior and demeanor towards others is built layer by layer, over many life experiences.

For now I'm going to walk the talk so to speak, be a model of tolerance and try to create the awareness little by little. Nobody can change anybody by force, we model and hope they see it as something good to follow.

How to Cure Menstrual Headaches

I wrote this last week when I had my period, and it's been sitting in the Draft folder ever since then. Since it's an important aspect of my fitness journey, this post will get done, a week post period.

The day this happened, I had a meeting with the subtiing team. What was an already a long and tiring day was made worst by this constant ache on the right side of my head, near the temple. A rhythmic light pressure that got more irritating when one was stuck in rush hour traffic at 6.30 pm, hoping against hope to make it back home in time for an 8 pm gym session.

I had half a mind to cancel the session but I've already cancelled once the week before. I don't want to be flaky or appear to be unable to commit, especially since my training partner, who is pushing 50 by the way, will be there to witness it. I mean, c'mon! She trains 6 days a week with our trainer, on top of the cardio she does EVERYDAY after work, plus she eats grilled chicken breast and veggies only for lunch. She's lost 20 kgs already in the past year so I guess her motivation level is high high high but still, I CANNOT lose face to this woman! #healthycompetition

I got home at exactly 8 pm, quickly changed into my gym clothes and made it to the gym 20 minutes later. The lethargy and headache went away so quickly I wanted to keep going even after we were done with training, what an amazing feeling it was. I want to always remember this, particularly on lousy, uninspiring days when the energy is low and the laziness takes over.

Finding Balance

These past few months have been very hectic for me, although knowing my big picture self, the frantic pace I think I'm experiencing could have been the result of over dramatization and overthinking in my head. I tend to think in big picture, future-endgame way so everything becomes overwhelming. But only in my head. The actual work happening in real life? I handled all of it, and if I may say so, beautifully too.

Our company was graced with our first big project that sees us expanding our full time team of 4 to 7 people, and we now have almost 70 full time freelancers working with us. It's been a joy really, not always smooth, but fulfilling. It's fun working with people, their quirks, hopes and expectations are teaching me so much. I'm also very blessed to have a great team handling this, but I do need to learn how to let go and trust them. #micromanaging

On top of the crazy work schedule, I'm also adding gym on top of my priorities. For years I've felt that the workout I did was half assed jobs, like I would tell myself that "At least I go to the gym and workout" even though I just walk on the treadmill for 20 minutes. Not that walking on the treadmill is wrong, if that's all you can do then you do you. I can and should do more. The gym routine had no direction and no purpose. Einstein said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing a thousand times and expecting different results. I want to be fit and have lean muscles, so I got a personal trainer. Now I workout 4 times a week. The best thing about this is I don't have to be motivated at all, I just have to be there because my personal trainer will be waiting. Then I go through minor torture for about one hour and then I'm done. Once I've outsourced and automated my workout, I eliminated the temptation to not go to the gym. It's been a month and I think I've done like a gazillion squats haha.. I do feel stronger, fitter, and also, my ass is tight yo!

It's impossible to find balance when all your marbles are in the air simultaneously, one or two will drop to the floor. You gotta let it go. Important things will be prioritized and will get done. Things like house cleaning, laundry folding and sometimes cooking should be delegated or outsourced if you can afford it. Nobody has ever died out of unfolded laundry, right?

Fear and Me

Hi, my name is Aisyah and I'm a fearoholic.

Hi Aisyah!

I just finished a meeting with a business partner. I'm trying to learn how to do sales and his company has this amazing program where he engages stay at home moms and basically anyone interested to earn some extra income to do sales for his training programs. To be honest, the remuneration is okay, not great, but I'm more interested to learn how to do sales, you know, just for the sake of learning and acquiring the skill. I told myself that there is only win-win here, I learn a new skill for free and I make some money on the side. How bad can it be? Boy, was I wrong!

The first meeting we had was about a month ago and since then, I have done nothing. Zilch, nada. Not one phone call, I didn't even read the materials we are supposed to read for the training. I was procrastinating and feeling lazy, but deep down I recognize this feeling as fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of failing, fear of not being good enough.

I've always been the best at what I do. Since I was 7 years old, I had been the smartest person in class, always sweeping up the awards for ALL subjects at the end of year school recognition. I don't know how to not be the best. In my career now, I always make sure I give my all when I do interpreting, that's why I'm one of the best in the game, and in business too, I provide impeccable, top tier services.

When it comes to sales, my friend made me realize that it's not about me. So what if I call someone and they say No? I get to move on and make the next call. For this particular training course, there are 100 hospitals I can call and sales being a number's game, statistically I will hit jackpot as long as I keep calling. It is not about me. He said that as human beings, our ego is so huge and can be a stumbling block if we're not careful.

So yes, that's lesson number 1. The second thing I realized today was that in order to overcome this fear (or at least own up to it and do something about it) is to do it in a group. Years of solitary freelance work had made me a bad team player and I forgot that together we are stronger. I didn't want to go to the meeting today, but I respect my friend so much the thought of canceling on him is not something I entertained. When I got there, he was busy with something else and left me alone for 20 minutes. I know him well though, he was giving me space to breathe and compose myself, to get my head in the game. Bless your soul dear friend! We did some work and I saw how simple this thing is :-) I don't want to jinx it and say I'm excited or anything, but I feel better, I feel more ready now.

I'm sending you a lot of love and light my friend, thank you for your patience and infectious 'zen'ness.

Peace, Aisyah out!

Missing My Best Friend

I had a best friend who was so dear to me, who was more than a blood sister. At one point, I even thought of her as my soulmate, someone who fundamentally gets me more than anyone else in the world, and to be perfectly honest, might still do. I was always so free and untethered with her, to be my real hippie self and feel absolutely unjudged for it.

Oh the fun things we did back then, partying, "it's 4.20 somewhere" happy hour, midnight drive to the beach, befriending strangers in questionable places, picking up sailor boys and sending them off before midnight curfew, the works. I lived through my 20-s in an adventure because she was there to give me courage when I feel like chickening out.

We had a falling out a few years ago though. I think as we age and organically change, we shifted priorities in life and do not see things through the same rose colored lens anymore. It was hard for me, like I lost an important piece of myself and am never the same again. I forged my identity with her by my side, and as I lose her, I lost who I am too.

I don't think we will talk again ever in this lifetime, but I love you babe. Sending rainbows and sparkles your way xoxo...

Celebrating Small Wins

While waiting for Isyak, I'd like to list down a few small wins for today as a positive reinforcement. I need to let myself know that I can be trusted to get things done.

1. Today I woke up earlier than yesterday and I made my bed this morning.
2. I made couscous salad the night before, so today I had chilled couscous salad with baked salmon.
3. I went out to run errands in the late afternoon.
4. I spent 2 hours in the afternoon dealing with work emails and translation work requests.
5. I motivated our new staff. She texted to apologize for her slow work but I told her to be patient and kind with herself. She will undoubtedly be faster and better with practice.
6. I showered and prayed today.
7. I'm about to pray Isyak and tarawih in Shaa Allah.
8. I spoke to my mother today and I was calm.
9. I had one on one time with Smokey (my indifferent, stern looking cat) and I was so blessed he wants to be petted. He purred the whole time.
10. I replied to WhatsApp messages from a work colleague. We are working together on something new that is scaring me more than I would admit, but today I updated him on my progress for a small task, tomorrow I plan to get more done for this project.

Alhamdulillah, that's actually good, and the night is still young. I plan to do some translation after tarawih and sleep early tonight.