How to Deal with a Racist/Racism at Work

Heavy topic, am I right? In Malaysia we are blessed to have many ethnic groups live harmoniously side by side, but of course, it's not all roses and butterflies, especially at the subliminal level.

I've experienced being discriminated against by a big corporation, a long term client to boot. We've been working together for 6 years, me supplying them with Malay interpretation services, when one day the PIC decided to replace the team with an all Chinese interpreter team. One rule of thumb for interpreting is that you NEVER engage non native speakers to do the job. When I say native speaker, I mean mother tongue speaker. You have to be born into the language, raised with it, think in that language. To make things worse, the PIC mentioned to my interpreting partner that it's unnecessary to have me in the team since they can have a Chinese interpreter do the same task. Oh how my blood boiled! I respect the client's prerogative to hire whoever they want, but there was no basis to dismiss me other than preferring a Chinese interpreter, so I went to work and reported the PIC to the company's Asia Pacific ethics committee and the Global Office. To cut the story short, she doesn't work there anymore :-)

Fast forward to this week, I was chatting with a work colleague and she mentioned something that happened to her caused my someone inconsiderate and called that person the K word (similar to the N word racial slur for Africans). I was taken aback, how should I respond to this? This person is important to my organization and I value her, so how do I delicately broach the subject, to make her realize that this behavior is racially insensitive?

She's not alone though. This insensitivity might stem from family and our surroundings, and we do not see it as wrong because everyone else is doing it. Also, being young and not having experienced enough of life yet, one might live with unchallenged beliefs. The sensitivity filter we develop in our behavior and demeanor towards others is built layer by layer, over many life experiences.

For now I'm going to walk the talk so to speak, be a model of tolerance and try to create the awareness little by little. Nobody can change anybody by force, we model and hope they see it as something good to follow.

How to Cure Menstrual Headaches

I wrote this last week when I had my period, and it's been sitting in the Draft folder ever since then. Since it's an important aspect of my fitness journey, this post will get done, a week post period.

The day this happened, I had a meeting with the subtiing team. What was an already a long and tiring day was made worst by this constant ache on the right side of my head, near the temple. A rhythmic light pressure that got more irritating when one was stuck in rush hour traffic at 6.30 pm, hoping against hope to make it back home in time for an 8 pm gym session.

I had half a mind to cancel the session but I've already cancelled once the week before. I don't want to be flaky or appear to be unable to commit, especially since my training partner, who is pushing 50 by the way, will be there to witness it. I mean, c'mon! She trains 6 days a week with our trainer, on top of the cardio she does EVERYDAY after work, plus she eats grilled chicken breast and veggies only for lunch. She's lost 20 kgs already in the past year so I guess her motivation level is high high high but still, I CANNOT lose face to this woman! #healthycompetition

I got home at exactly 8 pm, quickly changed into my gym clothes and made it to the gym 20 minutes later. The lethargy and headache went away so quickly I wanted to keep going even after we were done with training, what an amazing feeling it was. I want to always remember this, particularly on lousy, uninspiring days when the energy is low and the laziness takes over.

Finding Balance

These past few months have been very hectic for me, although knowing my big picture self, the frantic pace I think I'm experiencing could have been the result of over dramatization and overthinking in my head. I tend to think in big picture, future-endgame way so everything becomes overwhelming. But only in my head. The actual work happening in real life? I handled all of it, and if I may say so, beautifully too.

Our company was graced with our first big project that sees us expanding our full time team of 4 to 7 people, and we now have almost 70 full time freelancers working with us. It's been a joy really, not always smooth, but fulfilling. It's fun working with people, their quirks, hopes and expectations are teaching me so much. I'm also very blessed to have a great team handling this, but I do need to learn how to let go and trust them. #micromanaging

On top of the crazy work schedule, I'm also adding gym on top of my priorities. For years I've felt that the workout I did was half assed jobs, like I would tell myself that "At least I go to the gym and workout" even though I just walk on the treadmill for 20 minutes. Not that walking on the treadmill is wrong, if that's all you can do then you do you. I can and should do more. The gym routine had no direction and no purpose. Einstein said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing a thousand times and expecting different results. I want to be fit and have lean muscles, so I got a personal trainer. Now I workout 4 times a week. The best thing about this is I don't have to be motivated at all, I just have to be there because my personal trainer will be waiting. Then I go through minor torture for about one hour and then I'm done. Once I've outsourced and automated my workout, I eliminated the temptation to not go to the gym. It's been a month and I think I've done like a gazillion squats haha.. I do feel stronger, fitter, and also, my ass is tight yo!

It's impossible to find balance when all your marbles are in the air simultaneously, one or two will drop to the floor. You gotta let it go. Important things will be prioritized and will get done. Things like house cleaning, laundry folding and sometimes cooking should be delegated or outsourced if you can afford it. Nobody has ever died out of unfolded laundry, right?

Fear and Me

Hi, my name is Aisyah and I'm a fearoholic.

Hi Aisyah!

I just finished a meeting with a business partner. I'm trying to learn how to do sales and his company has this amazing program where he engages stay at home moms and basically anyone interested to earn some extra income to do sales for his training programs. To be honest, the remuneration is okay, not great, but I'm more interested to learn how to do sales, you know, just for the sake of learning and acquiring the skill. I told myself that there is only win-win here, I learn a new skill for free and I make some money on the side. How bad can it be? Boy, was I wrong!

The first meeting we had was about a month ago and since then, I have done nothing. Zilch, nada. Not one phone call, I didn't even read the materials we are supposed to read for the training. I was procrastinating and feeling lazy, but deep down I recognize this feeling as fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of failing, fear of not being good enough.

I've always been the best at what I do. Since I was 7 years old, I had been the smartest person in class, always sweeping up the awards for ALL subjects at the end of year school recognition. I don't know how to not be the best. In my career now, I always make sure I give my all when I do interpreting, that's why I'm one of the best in the game, and in business too, I provide impeccable, top tier services.

When it comes to sales, my friend made me realize that it's not about me. So what if I call someone and they say No? I get to move on and make the next call. For this particular training course, there are 100 hospitals I can call and sales being a number's game, statistically I will hit jackpot as long as I keep calling. It is not about me. He said that as human beings, our ego is so huge and can be a stumbling block if we're not careful.

So yes, that's lesson number 1. The second thing I realized today was that in order to overcome this fear (or at least own up to it and do something about it) is to do it in a group. Years of solitary freelance work had made me a bad team player and I forgot that together we are stronger. I didn't want to go to the meeting today, but I respect my friend so much the thought of canceling on him is not something I entertained. When I got there, he was busy with something else and left me alone for 20 minutes. I know him well though, he was giving me space to breathe and compose myself, to get my head in the game. Bless your soul dear friend! We did some work and I saw how simple this thing is :-) I don't want to jinx it and say I'm excited or anything, but I feel better, I feel more ready now.

I'm sending you a lot of love and light my friend, thank you for your patience and infectious 'zen'ness.

Peace, Aisyah out!

Missing My Best Friend

I had a best friend who was so dear to me, who was more than a blood sister. At one point, I even thought of her as my soulmate, someone who fundamentally gets me more than anyone else in the world, and to be perfectly honest, might still do. I was always so free and untethered with her, to be my real hippie self and feel absolutely unjudged for it.

Oh the fun things we did back then, partying, "it's 4.20 somewhere" happy hour, midnight drive to the beach, befriending strangers in questionable places, picking up sailor boys and sending them off before midnight curfew, the works. I lived through my 20-s in an adventure because she was there to give me courage when I feel like chickening out.

We had a falling out a few years ago though. I think as we age and organically change, we shifted priorities in life and do not see things through the same rose colored lens anymore. It was hard for me, like I lost an important piece of myself and am never the same again. I forged my identity with her by my side, and as I lose her, I lost who I am too.

I don't think we will talk again ever in this lifetime, but I love you babe. Sending rainbows and sparkles your way xoxo...

Celebrating Small Wins

While waiting for Isyak, I'd like to list down a few small wins for today as a positive reinforcement. I need to let myself know that I can be trusted to get things done.

1. Today I woke up earlier than yesterday and I made my bed this morning.
2. I made couscous salad the night before, so today I had chilled couscous salad with baked salmon.
3. I went out to run errands in the late afternoon.
4. I spent 2 hours in the afternoon dealing with work emails and translation work requests.
5. I motivated our new staff. She texted to apologize for her slow work but I told her to be patient and kind with herself. She will undoubtedly be faster and better with practice.
6. I showered and prayed today.
7. I'm about to pray Isyak and tarawih in Shaa Allah.
8. I spoke to my mother today and I was calm.
9. I had one on one time with Smokey (my indifferent, stern looking cat) and I was so blessed he wants to be petted. He purred the whole time.
10. I replied to WhatsApp messages from a work colleague. We are working together on something new that is scaring me more than I would admit, but today I updated him on my progress for a small task, tomorrow I plan to get more done for this project.

Alhamdulillah, that's actually good, and the night is still young. I plan to do some translation after tarawih and sleep early tonight.

Too Many Things, Too Scared

I'm writing to just clear some things in my head. This Ramadan started so well for me but then I got my period on the 7th day and then everything went downhill from there.

I know what to do to get back on the horse but oh it is so daunting. First off, I need to sleep early so I can wake up early and have my day run like a normal person. But it's already 4.30 am now (four freaking thirty!) and I have yet to shower and change the bed sheet before I can sleep. Maybe I'll forgo the shower.

Work is also piling up, new projects started and stalled.

I know procrastination is caused by fear, for me it is fear of the unknown sprinkled with a bit of laziness. Most of the things I need to do would be done in 5 mins, forwarding work email, making a sales call etc. Come on now, get it together!

Off to bed, I may not even change the bed sheet.

p/s My positive self is screaming at me to finish off this post on a positive note. So here it is:

1. I will wash my face and brush my teeth.
2. I will sleep for 3 hours (completing 2 cycles of REM sleep) and shower immediately after waking up.
3. I will settle the easiest work thing after shower, which is clearing work emails and setting up the team for the week.
4. I will scan and send the letters to ITBM to translate.
5. I will call around to find a seminar room in Melaka.
6. Study the materials for sales calls and make JUST one call tomorrow, minimum.

Okay, actually feeling better now :-)

Life is like a Paint-by-Number Canvas

A few years ago, during a particularly challenging period in my romantic life, I tried paint by number. It was therapeutic and helped me escape, in a strange I'm-here-but-not-here kinda way. At that time, I was still oblivious on the concept of flow and mindfulness though, so it felt like a breakthrough.

Fast forward to now, I am again doing another piece of paint by number, this time on a bigger canvas. The trigger this time were not romantic challenges, but my inability to relax and do nothing. These days if I'm not working, I consider it time wasted. It's not a bad problem to have but honestly quite alarming especially when it's already midnight and my brain just won't slow down.

This piece I'm working on is called Van Gogh's Tree, obviously not the master's original work but the colour scheme bears a resemblance to Starry Night, all midnight blue and fiery orange. I love it so much!

It was hard to get into the rhythm at first as the piece is quite intricate and requires patience, urgh so many small patterns. The first day, I can feel my frustration building every time I accidentally painted outside the lines, or when the paint just won't glide smoothly. After an hour, I stopped to turn in for the night. Before closing the office door, I took a last look at the canvas and notice how good it actually is, from far. Lightbulb moment! My critical, OCD self was fussing over every minute detail when I was so close up and focused on the canvas but when I take in the big picture, I've actually done an amazing job and the piece is looking good already.

So the canvas is like life, yes? The everyday grind can be hard and we might not do a perfect job every time, but if we try to give the best we can anyway, the big picture will turn out to be great. Regardless of finger smudges and paint blotches.

Man, I feel so philosophical, so original y'all. Here's a picture of my beautiful mess.

The Magic of My Local Starbucks

Just a quick one before I get back to work.

I went to my usual local Starbucks today. It's more crowded than usual given it is a Sunday afternoon and there was a long line to place orders. I stepped in line behind a few other people, a little impatient since I'm here almost everyday and never had to wait in line because it's always empty here. My usual barista greeted me and asked if I want the usual. I hesitantly said yes, aware of every other customer in line looking at me like I had killed their mother, and their mothers' cat too.

I braced myself for the death stares. I paid and my usual latte with extra shots was waiting for me at the service counter, yay so fast!

Then I sat down to work. I tried the password for Internet log in, but the page said I'm already connected. Okay, that never happened before. After 2 hours, I was disconnected, which was usual. I disconnected from and reconnected to the Wifi and was immediately connected, without having to key in the password per usual. WHAT IS HAPPENING?

Am I such a valued customer that even the Wifi know to give me special treatment?

Bulletproof

I was on the treadmill last Thursday, body aching with first day period cramps but still trying to work out, when I came across Dave Asprey's podcast where he talked about the Bulletproof diet. Dave is a hacker by definition who started out as an overweight, unhealthy, IT genius, whose vision transcends further than computers and technology. He is the pioneer of biohack, a term he coined and explained simplistically as hacking the body to optimize its functions and capacities.

I started reading the materials on the Bulletproof website and naturally was overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of it all (so much information!). For beginners, Dave offers a chart that helps simplify the Bulletproof methodology in a single page. They have a table that lists the types of food that are good, suspect and toxic. I'm having trouble because so many of the food listed as suspect and toxic for you are things I like, for example carrots, onions, tomatoes (in the suspect list), and also all animal protein must be from the best source (grass fed beef and lamb for example). *Hiperventilate*

I know I have to take it easy, all beginnings are hard until it is not. So for this month, I'm going to start with consuming organic green leafy vegetables (highly bulletproof according to the chart), get the Bulletproof Diet book, and maybe find out if I can get the bulletproof coffee locally. I need to understand the science and philosophy of this way of living first, but honestly, he had me at biohack. I'm a sucker for efficiency, optimization, getting the best out of life. Why do we want to live okay when we can live great, right?

Consuming the bulletproof coffee (need a separate post for the coffee alone) is going to be my next step, if I can find grass fed butter.

The last 2 months of 2016 saw me trying to find the best food source at the lowest price, now I feel like I have to start over and change my philosophy because great food, is not cheap my friends.

Here's the link to the chart if anyone is interested:

http://blog.bulletproof.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/BulletproofRoadmap_Rebrand_outlined.pdf

Terabur Thursday

I talk a lot about groceries, one can surmise that it is borderline obsessive. What with finding the best prices, looking for the best produce and chicken each store has to offer and at the same time considering the most convenient way to shop, so much time is spent on online research and price comparison. It is a process of discovery and ultimately, I hope to arrive at the best conclusion for my need right now. All this research is not for nothing though, for example I know now I HATE Tesco chicken, however cheap they may be, because they are disgusting. I respect food because they fuel our bodies but believe me, when I typed HATE earlier, I made myself stop to consider it for a minute. One minute is up, and I still HATE Tesco chicken.

I found an organic farm online that delivers to your door, exciting! You have to buy their box produce (varying sizes to choose from) and then you can add free range chicken to your order. Their box produce is a bit expensive but the chicken is quite cheap, really. I have yet to receive my order but I can't tell you how happy this hippie is right now, organic food yo! I have high hopes riding on this first order, please let it be good so I can stop Googling "Grocery Delivery Malaysia" already.

I'm at Starbucks now doing some work, I find that I'm more productive when I'm out of the house and not tempted to binge watch Annalise Keating and her murder crew online. One reason working here is good is because their Internet connection is slow, so one can really focus on real work and not busywork, like taking a pic of your coffee and posting it on Instagram, #workmode. The staff greet me with a special regular-customer hi every time I step through the door, I feel so special hehe. So in the spirit of reciprocation, whenever they hard sell me anything, I'll buy it. The other day they suggested I try their over the counter products, and I got a fruitcake. Today, when they came over to my table and told me (in a conspiratory we-don't-offer-this-to-anyone-but-you kinda way) that their mugs and tumblers are on 30% discounts, I, or rather they, made me buy a mug. A white, beautiful, overpriced 8oz coffee mug/tumbler that I don't need. Sigh, I'm such an easy sell I should stay home to be safe. I tell myself that I'll get RM 2 off of every beverage I purchase from now on and use less paper cups, so I'm saving money AND the environment, but let's face it. For this price, I'll have to buy a gazillion drinks to make it break even.